It's a funny thing how bears have made their presence in my life, even as a teen when my family went white water rafting on the Klamath River. As we slept on its banks, I was woken up by the sound of sniffing next to my head. When I slowly and dreadingly opened my eyes there was a black bear standing right next to me smelling my dirty hair. To say I was terrified is an understatement. Fortunately, no one was hurt and hours later saw the bear in the day, with a cub by its' side, presenting to me- my totem. Again, years later while living in Curry Village in Yosemite, I was on a pay phone on the outside of the reservation building talking to a friend, at the same time watching a big black bear approximately 50 feet away eating out of the trash can. Just that quick, the bear dropped down on all fours and decided I had something it wanted and promptly chased me into the building stopping its charge at the doorway. The manager on duty yelled at me for running from the bear (easy for him to say, since he had never been chased by a charging bear), yet ironically his advice probably saved my life years later while hiking in the Tetons. This time a friend and I were hiking high up in the canyons in a grassy area with a small creek running through it. (I put the detailed story in my book) This time it was a grizzly that confronted us, and instead of running, I stood up to the huge bear, screaming and yelling, yet admiring its amazing beauty. I have never forgotten the comical look it had on its face, like "what did I do? Why is she yelling at me" I was not ready to be its lunch and wanted it to know that. Needless to say, I was never so humbled in my life and will forever cherish the moment. And again, years later while living in the redwood state parks, I was constantly fighting with the bears to leave my deer hides alone, as well as helping rescue them out of the parks, so they wouldn't be put down.
But bears have not only been in my physical life, but appear in my dreams as well, protecting me and "waking me up to the spirit world. Demanding it really!"
Here is the first dream introducing the grizzly as my totem.
"I am sitting at Lake Earl, alongside a pond with Tessa at my side trying to figure out how to make an Indian flute. I am quietly wondering what type of wood I should use. I look inside a book that suddenly appears on my lap and then at the ground in reflection. There at my feet is the beginning of my flute on a branch in front of me. The body of the flute is still a branch, but the branch has been whittled into the body of a beautiful flute. As I sit wondering how this happened a shadow catches my eye. I look up to see a big grizzly bear lumbering down the hill towards us. The bear keeps coming so I grab Tessa up into my arms and wade into the near by pond thinking the bear won’t follow us there. I keep going deeper and deeper yet the bear is now swimming straight towards us. I try to swim away but it’s no use. The bear is swimming too fast. I’m sure it is over for Tessa and myself. Right as the bear reaches us the brown monster disappears under the water. Suddenly, right in front of us appears a red-headed girl where the bear had submerged. It was at that moment I realized the bear was a part of my spirit and the grizzly was my totem, my protector."
I woke up and reflected upon my profound dream. I had read enough about the local Indian tribes and their beliefs to know this dream had shown to me, my powerful animal totem, the grizzly bear!
Dream well and pay attention to those that present themselves to you!
