There have been many times throughout my life where I should have either physically died or was sure I was going to die from a broken heart. To give a few examples of each: at nine years old or so, I got caught in a rip tide in Laguna Beach, CA., with huge storm waves spontaneously appearing, throwing my father to shore and everyone who attempted to rescue me. At the time, I never considered the possibility I would drown and just plugged my little nose and ducked under the huge swells as they appeared, treading water like a champ and taking a breathe in the troughs between the swells. I was literally out there for at least 10 minutes before a curly haired lifeguard made it out to me over the 20 ft waves and carried me back safely to shore. I wasn't afraid in the least, but as an adult with two grown kids, I see now how I truly had to have angels helping me stay afloat out there in the big bad ocean. I've seen people die from alot less than what I endured that day. Then the summer after 11th grade, I went backpacking into the Mammoth Wilderness, with my friend Keith for weeks, when Keith & I made an almost fatal mistake crossing a swift flowing river under Rainbow Falls, with very loaded backpacks and not unstrapping the belt that secures the pack to your waist, which would have acted like an anchor, if either of us had slipped into the water. Fortunately, we made the crossing but were soon ascending a very steep bank on the other side, when approximately 3 feet from the top, the weight of my pack pulled me backwards and to my horror I felt my fingers lose the grip off the rock - I knew at that moment I was going to die. With that thought in mind, I suddenly felt an invisible hand on my behind, gently lift me up and place me on top of the cliff, much to the utter shock of both Keith and myself. It just wasn't my time and despite gravity I was allowed to live, I was truly saved by angels. Then months later at 16 years old, I was dangerously stalked while working at the Studio City Theatre. A terrifying man would drive past me night after night, calling me continuously on the phone at work, even chasing me in my car while driving up Laurel Canyon towards my house. It culminated with him waiting at the entrance of the alley next to the theater and chasing me on foot to my vehicle, with me miraculously outrunning him (thanks to being on the track team) and getting into my vehicle & locking the door just in time for him to grab the handle and begin screaming at me. It was beyond horrifying. I did not return to my job again. Much to my horror, twenty-five years later, while scanning the internet, I saw the man that stocked me night after night. His name: Angelo Buono, one of the two Hillside Stranglers terrorizing LA and killing teenage girls at the time I was 16 & 17 yrs old. His cousin and co-killer Kenneth had an office only 1.5 miles away from where I worked down on Ventura in Universal City. Once again, the angels or my spirit guides saved my life, keeping me from experiencing the same horrible death so many other teenagers endured. The thought still makes the hair crawl on the back of my neck. The point being, it just wasn't' my time to die and obviously I had divine guidance making sure it didn't happen.
As for having a broken heart, the first break occurred when I lost my beloved Uncle Maury, when he was only 36 years old to cancer. All the smoking of substances took his life wayyyyyyy tooo young. He was just the love of my life, and I didn't think I'd survive this world without him. I cried for six months straight until he began appearing to me in my dreams, telling me he was still with me and that he loved me and could hear me. He continued to stay with me until I met Vern, (my kid's father) when at last I stopped crying at night missing him. Then there was my beloved horse Espau that damn near killed me as well, the only thing keeping me from dropping over was my beautiful little 3 year old daughter that needed a mommy. But the worst heartache of all, (outweighing all the others) that really almost did me in, was when "Michael" and I broke up in 2000, after the most emotionally, gut wrenching experience of my life. I went from the highest of high one year to the lowest of low the next. When we broke up, it felt like my spirit cord had been severed & I cried for literally six months straight in the nights under the stars so the kids could not see their mom suffering inside. Then one day, I decided to take a nine mile bike ride for exercise. My heart was beyond broken at what had happened between us and almost immediately upon getting on my bike seat I began to sob once again. I mean a gut wrenching sob. My biking glasses were smeared with tears and snot, dripping hopelessly down the front of my jersey. When I got 4 miles out, I stopped at an intersection of the highway leading south and just doubled over my handle bars crying everything I had in me. My heart was pouring out the pain to the Gods, when suddenly out of my blurred vision I saw a bright white truck approach me from the south. He turned and stopped next to me, but I didn't care. I heard his truck door open and a very kind voice say to me "miss, are you okay?" Through my sobs, I answered "yes." I turned a little to look at him, but all I could see was a pure white head of hair, no distinctive facial features and white clothes. Then "mam, are you sure? Can I take you home or call someone?" "No, thank you, I'll be all right." At that, I tried to pull myself together and when I turned back to thank him for his help, his truck was nowhere in sight. I was so shocked, I forgot about crying and realized the Gods had sent an angel to look over me, giving me the strength to face another day. I honestly believe in all my heart, that since I did not have any kind of father figure in my life to look over me, the Highest Power did, so I would be here for my two kids. I was beyond touched and forever grateful for the kindness of the angel that stopped to help me that day.Within time, the pain finally went away.
What I have learned through all life's trials, is that what truly doesn't kill you, will make you stronger, as well as if you are meant to live you will!! Period. There is no point worrying about dying or being afraid of dying, because if you are meant to be here, nothing will stop you from being here. You must believe in your own divine guidance. With that said, one must accept that physically dying is as natural as taking a breathe and to realize the soul does not die - only the shell housing it does. It's all a continuous cycle and if you have lessons to learn in the physical, your angels and spirit guides will be by your side watching over you until it's time to take The Great Journey. Live life to the fullest so you can embrace dying without fear or regrets and with dignity and honor!!! Give thanks to those helping us in our life's walk.
Namaste
Kerrie
(One of the hardest lessons of all: no matter how awesome an experience may be or truly traumatic and horrifying, YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD. This I battle with myself going back to thoughts both good and bad, that do me no good any further. We need to just file them away in a safe place, but not live in that file or we'll miss a new experience. )
As the teacher says In Way of the Peaceful Warrior; What time is it? NOW
