Happy very hot Tuesday everyone, I'm here in Fort Collins, with my lovely daughter Tessa and her awesome boyfriend Javier (whom I call my son-in-law) until Thursday. The temperature is around 95, with such high humidity it feels like the south all over again. On my way here, I was honored to drive through Heaven once again. Heaven to me, is the top of Cameron Pass at 10,249 feet, near the point of where the trees stop growing and the dramatic beauty of the Rockies, equals anything I have seen in Europe or Alaska leaving me speechless with only awe at the magnificence of nature. The surrounding mountains are very jagged, capped with brilliant white snow with the meadows leading up to the higher elevations exploding with color from the unimaginably beautiful wildflowers, such as: lupines, columbines, purple fireweed, red indian paint brush and white globeflower to name only a few. The air is so clean at the highest point, I try to fill my lungs with as much of it as possible, slowly releasing it back out, smiling to be a part of such a surreal place.
Throughout my many years of dreaming, I have come to learn, my dreams and their messages were guiding me to different aspects of my self found in my twin souls, my soul mate and to relationships that needed to find peace after past lives of total animosity (which unfortunately is still playing out this way.) This subject has been written about over and over, but I'd like to write about it as well, since I have personal examples of each, some good, some bad and others utterly heartbreaking, all being driven by following my soul and my night time dreams.
Often times twin souls and soul mates are referred to interchangeably but for me, they are very different. I have two twin souls in my life; my dearest friends Carla and Ranger Dick. We are truly like three peas in a pod. (My kids, my two little bear cubs, have their own category, my life) There is unconditional love among the twins, and all three of us live for the wilderness. Dick spent his career as a park ranger protecting his beloved Lake Earl, now known as Tolowa Dunes on the Pacific Coast, with me having the honor of being his park aide at times and spending countless hours hiking with him, and learning about the wildflowers from his endless bank of nature knowledge. Dick and I can walk quietly for hours and be in total peace together. It doesn't matter what I tell Dick, his love and friendship never wain and he has done nothing but support me throughout the 21 years we have known each other. I have no doubt we spent many past lives as Native Americans together living peacefully in nature. Our relationship is simple, and one I cherish and give thanks for everyday. Dick is like a strong tree, with roots deep in the earth, always a good place to sit under for shade. Then there's Carla. My dear friend Carla. She too lives right on the Pacific coast in southern Oregon, on 40 acres overlooking the endless ocean. She and I are in a category by itself. I would not have survived all of life's obstacles if Carla had not been there. Carla & I are such twin souls that we learned 20 years ago, that our life scripts are the same, to the point of being utterly incredulous. Though we live three states apart now, we STILL follow the same script. For example: if her water system goes out, I know within a week ours will too. If she is dealing with something dangerous in her life, we are as well. We both get the same insights at the exact same time, and when I am out of touch, my Indian warrior spirit guide appears to her to relay the messages to me. We are sooo connected that when one has chest pains or a physical problem, within days the other will too. All four of our kids know, that when one of us dies, prepare cause within a week, without doubt the other will too. Carla and I are literally twin souls. We even have birth mothers with the same name, and almost identical issues with our families. If I need Carla, all I have to do is think her name and she calls me, pure and simple. Carla, and I are what I refer to as truly the twin soul, just like twins born in the physical, but in spirit. Dick, Carla and I will carry on from lifetime to lifetime giving me strength knowing I will never be alone.
Karmic relationships are relationships, such as what my first husband Vern and I had. He and I were brutal enemies in our past life ( he was in the military campaign against the Natives) and I hated him with everything I had, to the point I may have been responsible for his death 135 years ago. My feelings and emotions were so strong against him, that I could not spiritually grow if I did not face him again and find peace this time around. Only after I had the two kids, did I realize the utter irony, in the fact he unknowingly fathered two kids with souls he helped murder his last lifetime. It's incredibly odd we even came together at all this time, because the differences (esp. with spirituality and facing life on its own terms) between us, were apparent almost right from the beginning and we conflicted on a daily basis from them. Though we stayed together for 12 years and had some really nice moments with lots of conflict, I knew in my soul, there was still someone else "out there" I was longing for and needed to meet. Unfortunately, Vern, my kids father and I still can't work past the soul differences because he still seems unable to face truth and his arrogance is beyond reproach, though I have tried to communicate with him for the sake of the children. He can't seem to even do that. His karma, his journey, his road. I have tried for years.
Have you throughout your life, even while married "longed" for someone/something else "out there" though you didn't know who and what it was? Have you felt a sorrow in the pit of your soul, an unspeakable loneliness in its depth? Are you afraid of dying without ever feeling a love you've heard about but never had? That is your soul, knowing the other side of itself is out there. The Yin longing for the Yang.
Wuthering Heights, Anna Karenina and even Legends of the Fall. These are the utterly devastating soul mate relationships. These are the hardest ones of all & the ultimate lesson in how to Unconditionally Love, for they are the opposite half of your soul. They do things and say things that you would never tolerate, but now you love them in your deepest part of your soul forcing you now into a world of discomfort-taking you out of your safe-zone emotionally.
This is exactly what happened to me with a man I call Michael in my book. Michael, began appearing to me in my dreams years before we met (4 years to be exact), with each of us living on opposite coast lines. The dreams began innocently enough, but soon evolved into a nightly emotional ordeal, with me waking up crying in the mornings next to Vern, at the grief caused by Michael's and my separating so we could each wake up. When the soulmates come together at last, there is a total love, an ecstasy and feeling of total oneness with the Universe, that you'll never have with anyone else again. When I kissed Michael for the first time in 1998, my thoughts were "I'm finally home." After having multiple boyfriends throughout my life and being married to someone else, I had found the other half of my soul. The journey took me to completion. At least that's what happened to me. I don't want to reveal too much about the dreams that led up to finally meeting my soul mate, for that is what my book is about, as well as our lives as Plains Indians but I will tell you this, they emotionally take you to Heaven but can drag you to Hell as well. If soulmates don't come back together healthy and intact, (which we did not) after the initial state of heaven of finding eachother, , the relationship descends into pure Hell, from its intensity and connection. Then you realize you have to separate to save one self from descending into a place of no return yet the thought of not being with them unimaginable as well. The soul mate transcends through time and space, and the love more pure than I can describe in words, yet the anguish is enough to bring you to your knees. The soul mate haunts your thoughts and haunts your dreams no matter how hard you try to deny it.
I am privileged to be able to leave this earth not only knowing who my soul mate is, but what it feels like to experience Universal love in the physical. Make sure you are really ready to meet your soulmate before putting it out there to the Universe because your life and your reality will NEVER be the same again.
"He seems to take pleasure in being mean and brutal. And yet, he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. And Linton's is as different as frost from fire...." .. Cathy from Wuthering Heights.
(Many years have passed since I wrote this & to my surprise & shock, In 2015, I went on to meet yet another soulmate half way across the world in Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe-Africa, 15 years younger than me. He's an African drummer/performing artist & now I can certifiably 100% say, my soul has stopped yearning for it's other half. He is now my third & final husband. The man I call Micheal I see now was a devastating relationship from the past with a soul too broken still to be in a healthy functioning relationship
Namaste
