Happy very beautiful Wednesday to Everyone,
Last night I had a very powerful dream/nightmare that shook me up enough to put me back on the "good red road." Before I tell you about my dream, let me share what occurred yesterday. As I mentioned, I am once again re-editing my book, trying to get it ready to submit to a mainstream publisher vs.a self publisher becoming very frustrated in the process. In order, to let go of some of the tightened nerves, I decided to take Leo (my dog), and go to our local county park for a jog. At about the 1.5 mile mark, I started thinking once again about the spiritual journey that my book is about and questioning the whole series of events. Here I had the most amazing events occur over a number of years; gifts from the Creator, and now I'm doubting it all together. My disheartening thoughts, killed my drive to continue jogging, whereby I ended up walking slowly back to the car, instead of enjoying the gorgeous day with an exuberant little exercise.This is what I dreamed last night:
I wake up (mentally) into the aware state to find I am standing in this fully enclosed cement room, that strangely has a dirty pool of some type in the middle of it. Instead of beautiful aqua green or baby blue water (symbolizing a pureness in spirituality), this water is tinted brown; like a dirty river. Suddenly, a huge grizzly bear (my totem & protector) appears on the other side of the pool. I instantly notice it is terrifyingly staring at me and I can tell by its' body language I am its' intended target. I do not feel safe in the least by its' presence, like I have many times before, but rather scared s_itless and jump into the pool to escape its attack as it approaches me. To my horror, the bear jumps in after me. I take a deep breathe and dive to the bottom of the pool. As I turn to look up, there are his huge paws and head only feet from my head -he is diving too, chasing me. I instantly knew what a seal feels like, trying to escape the grasp of a polar bear. I attempt to make numerous furtive movements to avoid the behemoth, but to my horror he can hold his breathe as well. I thought for sure I was a goner. I could feel his wrath and fury at me.Thankfully, the dream ended with me jumping out of the pool, escaping being caught by the monster in the water.
When I woke up, I could hardly breathe and my knees were shaking. What have I done to anger my totem so much? I laid awake for an hour after this vision; my adrenaline pumping too hard to sleep. I finally got up at 7:00 am to make my son's breakfast. I shared with him, what I had dreamed.
His first comment to me at the end of my story was, "mom, you've pissed off your totem." Indeed he was right, and I knew it. Upon reflection as to why, it finally dawned on me. I started losing faith not only in myself, but the gifts the Great Spirit (& warriors & grizzlies) have given to me in the dream time. The moment I realized this, I had to stop where I was and say a silent "I am really sorry to all of you." I will not question my journey again. Wow--powerful message and powerful totem. The grizzly is a powerfully massive creature, not to be reckoned with and hopefully I have learned my lesson.
(Unbelievable, I just reviewed my beginning post . The very first post is about an angry grizzly for my questioning back then. I guess it takes some of us longer than others to learn spiritual lessons and I am definitely one of them).
